Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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