I wannas sexs uuuuu
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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