I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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