Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
