Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
