I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
