Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
wow bdsm is so cute
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
