i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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