Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
