my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your cock deserves a montage
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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