Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
