Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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