his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
