Heybabeimwearingurpanties
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
