I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize