i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
