its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize