I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
