I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
