After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
