she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
