Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
