Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
