Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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