alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
