she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
