I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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