I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
