We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
