If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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