She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
tell me about the eggs
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
