I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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