There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
