I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize