I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
