Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
