where am i from again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
