it hurts more in the daytime
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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