there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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