I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
