the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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