How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The uberlube is also flammable
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
