I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Farmville is her only friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
