But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
