did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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