you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
