just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
