You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
