I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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