I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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