Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have post one night stand depression
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