Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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