Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
