I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
