Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
