Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
