i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
