great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
