i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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