Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
