i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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