smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
