My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
