You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do herpes really smell.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
