My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
