You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
