I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
