I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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