I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
