Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
