No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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