Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize