apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
