Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
