I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
